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Marriage Counseling; Does it it Work? – 5 Questions You Should Ask
Posted under christian marriage counseling
If you talk to any couple who has been married over 20 years and gets along, the chances are they never went to see a marriage counselor. On the other hand if you talk to a couple that had just gotten a divorce chances are very good they had tried marriage counseling. I personally know of one couple who went to a marriage counselor and were successful. They went in the eighties and are still married and happy together. However, the marriage counselor they went to see was anything but orthodox. His approach was spiritual and not traditional western psychology.
My own experience as a mediator was western marriage counselors have a few things going against them. The biggest problem they have is they are not taught that man is a triune being. They believe man is limited to physical and psychological parts. They don’t recognize man is essentially spiritual. They also don’t recognize marriage is essentially a spiritual union and therefore spiritual laws are the most important for individuals to know.
I once asked two questions of a highly regarded (not by me) psychologist in San Diego. I asked her if she believed in God to which she replied, “God is an abstract thought.” The second question I asked her was if she believed in the law of karma (exemplified in the Judeo Christian doctrine as, “What you sow, so shall you reap”). She said, “Yes, it begins when you are five or six years old.” These two responses fly in the face of the spiritual reality that we are souls who have bodies and minds, and as souls we have been ’somewhere’ before we were born, and we go somewhere after we die. In other words western psychologists only recognize the span of our life as reality. Because of this containment the concept of infinity has no place in our individual life. It’s the concept of an infinite soul that dictates a spiritual meaning to life. It’s the concept of infinity that gives love its deepest meaning. If there is no infinity all of our understandings of love become meaningless because our personal experience of love has no boundary. Is our experience of love a delusion? Is love something that actually comes and goes? Or is love the only reality that appears elusive because of psychological confusion?
Here are 5 questions you can ask yourself to test your own experience:
- Am I happier when I give love or when I receive it?
- Am I able to manufacture love or does it originate someplace else?
- Can I trace my feelings of love back to their source?
- Do I prefer feelings of love over other feelings?
- Have I ever experienced a stronger feeling than love?
Love is proof of spirituality. It cannot be seen, heard or examined in a test tube. Yet we know no greater experience than that of love. Love has no boundaries other than those we impose upon it. When we affix our mind to love instead of what is fair we feel indescribable joy, the very nature of love, the very nature of god. We are meant to love our spouse with reckless abandon. If you learn how to do so you will have the happiest marriage in the world. Don’t forget to tell your best friend, the person you want to love with all of your heart, “I love you.”
Paul Friedman
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/marriage-counseling-does-it-it-work-5-questions-you-should-ask-716893.html
What should I do about my marriage?
I asked a question last week about whether I should get a job or go to school. Well, I got a job at a local Wal-Mart and will be making good money. Thanks to all of you who answered. Anyway, now I have another problem. I do love my husband and we just broke up at the beginning of August. I want to go to marriage counseling and try to work things out with him. But he keeps going back and forth with what he wants to do. Yesterday he told me that he did love me but that part of him doesn’t want to get back together. So I asked him why he doesn’t want to get back together and he had a list of reasons. Then I asked him why he did want to get back together and he said, "Because I love you and the kids." Then I asked him what he loved about me and he couldn’t answer me. It broke my heart when I saw that he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring. So does that mean that he just wants to get back together for the kids? Should I just give up or should I give him time? I am so confused right now.
Im sorry for your pain! Please give up on him! Dont ask any questions to him anymore its too painful.What u dont know cant hurt you.Yes move on and do well at your new job.You will find a love again!!!!!!!!!
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he feels guilty and is contemplating whether to get back with you for for the kids……I know you love him and want to work things out but you can not force these things………its best you just split up and try to move on……….it will be better for the kids in the long run………kids are not dumb and they know when something is going on between you guys and it will just be horrible for them if you guys get back together and then split up again,,,,,,,,
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My life and experiences
It takes two and if he is flip flopping back forth then he may not know how to tell you that he wants out. You can’t have a relationship by yourself and getting back together just for the kids is not the answer. It could make things worse. It sounds to me like the marriage is over.
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men show their love not speak it. Women are more vocal. My husband works 50 hrs a week, on the school board, volunteers on the ambulance and is going to school. I know that he loves me. He stated he loved you, does his actions speak to you, you can ak him to show it more. Then you can tell. The little things in life are spoken more than the large ones. My husband goes and gets me coffee in the morning before he goes to work. I know its not a lot but when he doesn’t have time, he calls and apologizes a couple hours later.
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ok so …but i didnt answ your question last week..or so..ok stop saying me me me ememme..ans,,dont ask if he love you or no..no ones like anyone..ok…learn to solve your own problem…i meana…thats is sound..harsh..and find a hobby..
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If he can’t tell you what he loves about you and he is not wearing his wedding ring……, then I smell a rat! He may be getting the attention of someone else who is making him feel like the man he wants to be right now. I would ask him point blank.., in a nice civil way.., if there is someone else. My prayers are with you!!
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not wearing the ring is only telling females that he is available and of course by him not living with you he isn’t going to tell any one he is married, if he cant tell you what it is he loves about you then its a waste of time for you to try and get back with him he should of had a list of answers for that ?,don’t take him back for the kids sake that will just make things worst he will cheat and lie and you don’t need that you have to be strong for your babies sake he wants to move on let him your working making your own $ now save $ continue to work and focus on the kids and getting yourself together and tell him take care of the kids that’s all you want form him and a divorce
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What are the reason why he doesn’t want to stay in the marriage? Are they fixable? does he want to explore other relationships? or has something changed in the relationship between you two and you’ve grown apart? there are some questions still that you need to ask of him and there is never 1 right answer…just continue to communicate with him and see where it leads you. It’s a big sign if he’s taken off his wedding band. Hang in there and take care of yourself.
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I was in the same situation beginning of this year. My husband wasn’t sure if he want it to be with me and our son or living his free life ("living la vida loca"). So, we were trying back and forward, because of these. One night, I ask him why you came back, and he said, I miss my things, I feel comfortable in my house but he didn’t mention me. So, that night I thought that wasn’t anymore the choice for him to stay or leave. IT WAS MY CHOICE, I love him deeply because he was my first love and father of my child but was enough for me. I took a deep breath and told him that I didn’t want him to come back. Yes, I cried that week but six month later I’m thankful for that moment. Because I understood that he never love me the way I was supposed to be love or the same way that I love him.
Forget about the kids for a moment, when you two got married it was only the two of you, if that is gone, that feeling (doesn’t matter if you or him lost it, just one is more that enough to doesn’t work), just let him go. It’s not fare to you.
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It looks like your husband needs to do some deep soul searching and get his priorities in order before he looses everything. He has some unknown personal items to deal with before he can settle down.He definitely doesnt know what he wants. He does want you and the kids but not the responsibility or committment that comes with you guys.He wants the ability to "visit" you, then walk away from it all. His wedding ring represents his responsibilities and currently scares him so he takes it off, but he does truly love you guys. You need to be patient and give him some time and see if things start to change. How much time depends on you and when the point of enough is enough comes and you just cant handle it anymore. Wish I could give you a better answer but woithout more details and not knowing him, its not worth guessing, but if I can be of anymore help email me. Good luck
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Florida Paralegal with a BS degree in Social-Pyschology
Congrats on the great career move of working at Wal-Mart. Maybe he doesn’t want to deal with a loser wife with a bunch of brats. Get your cr*p together and let him see what he is missing. He will come back or you can find a better one.
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Give it up. It’s not making you happy, and it’s not healthy for you or your kids.
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