Comments on: Role of Marriage Family Counseling in Saving Marriages

By: KateJoe999

KateJoe999 — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 07:45:59 +0000

The more you get on with your own life, enjoy your kids and be confident about who you are, the more attractive you will be to not only your wife but to other women. I would use this time to think about you and what you want out of life.
Then you can decide if you really do want her back.
Its a funny thing but the less attention you pay and the more you get on with it the more likely she will come running. And I would bet the more you question what your marriage is worth.
Best advice.. keep being the best father you can.
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By: titania_woodland_fairy_queen

titania_woodland_fairy_queen — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 07:43:59 +0000

1. Don’t wait in the wings get on with your own life.
2. Don;t talk to her unless it is about the kids.
3. Filling the missing gap.
4. Obviously if she wants to see someone else she is going down the path of friendship.
5. She did end things with you. That is why your separated. Separation is the end. Your reading into it.
6. there is no 6
7. She is not figuring things out with you. You are a fallback in case this other guy fails in 6 months. Again don;t wait in the wings.
8. No she is not planning on calling it quits with him.
9. I think you are reading into it to see the hope you want to see. I honestly don;t think she is purposely messing with you. However as long as you continue to lap up everything she does and says like a puppy dog in her mind you are a fall back if this fails. Probably not as husband and wife but a friend to lean on and fill avoid until she finds the one.
10. She is saying she is deciding how much of a role you are going to play in her life. Not really get back together. Anyone else she has is irrelevant to her decision on that.

STOP viewing everything in terms of you two getting back together and view it in terms of YOU making a family and building a new relationship with your kids. During all of this the relationship that is sufferring from your lack of attention yours with your kids. That should be your focus on building, not pinning hopes on you having a family with her. Sorry but this behavior as seeing them as a package will only alienate you from your kids.
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By: Emi

Emi — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 07:41:59 +0000

It is always like that when a woman is frustrated and confuse by his love one. Thank you for turning back and facing the correct way now but she is so confuse now courtesy what you did there is a way keep up with picking her call been the good husband. The only thing you need now after trying everything and seem fail is prayer to God your creator. Talk to Him He will sort everything out and your life will return to the best. Don't be discourage it is well.
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By: Thatshim

Thatshim — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 07:39:59 +0000

This will come to a good conclusion, just very difficult to tell for who, but it aint you
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By: Vicky

Vicky — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 07:37:59 +0000

I’m sorry to say this, but I think you need to let her go.
You gambled, she cheated – so you both did wrong and caused irrepairable damage to the marriage. It doesn’t really matter anymore who is to blame, all that matters is that the marriage is over – and for it to have been so bad that you both behaved the way you did, I think you’d be nuts to even think about wanting to go back. She’s started moving on…. so let her.

You obviously need to stay in touch because of the children, but I think (for now at least) you need to keep the contact to the bare minimum and give each other some space to heal and get your heads round what happened.
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By: HeMan

HeMan — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 07:35:59 +0000

She is stringing you along. She wants her cake and eat it to. Divorce her, take the children and go find a woman that won't cheat on you.
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By: David

David — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 02:33:18 +0000

What should I do – advice please?
My wife and I are separated currently (about a month and a half now) – We each made mistakes and failed to communicate during our marriage or get help when the downward spiral was happening. I made a lot of mistakes with gambling during our marriage but finally quit for good about 8 months ago when I finally saw how badly I hurt her feelings the last time. Then about 4 months after I quit, she began cheating on me with another man. When I found out about it I was obviously angry and hurt. Over the last month or so I have gotten over the anger for the most part and accepted my role in why she chose to cheat on me. I am still very hurt but I know I love my wife and our 3 year old twins. I spent most of the month right after it happened trying to get her back but it didn’t work. We went to one counseling session a week ago and it was decided that we would get a legal separation so she had time to figure out if her feelings for the other guy are real or not and if the lost feelings for me could return. Since the counseling session I have not called her at all but she calls me at least 2 times a day to make small talk. I see her a little bit on Friday’s and Sunday’s when I go to see my kids. Our communication has been friendly and without arguments over the last week or so. Last night we got into the heart of the matter and she is sticking to "her plan" of dating this other guy while I wait in the wings for the next 6 months so she can figure out what she wants. I love her and I would like to save our family but I am confused about what to do now.

1. How am I supposed to wait in the wings for the next 6 months while she dates another man? On the other hand though I don’t want to give up on us and our family and move on.
2. Should I continue to take her phone calls or should I avoid contact with her unless absolutely necessary (kids). Will reducing contact drive her away more or make her miss me and think about us in a way that brings back some of the lost feelings?
3. Does she call me every day because we have 10 years together and she just needs to fill that missig gap or does she call because she still misses me and loves me to some extent?
4. How do I figure out if she is trying to move us down a friendship path while she pursues a romantic path with him? I don’t want to be just friends, I want my wife back.
5. I asked her how she could have allowed herself to cross the line like she did without even giving me the respect or courtesy of ending things with me first after 10 years together. She said it just happened and she didn’t have respect for me when she did it but that she does now have respect for me again because of the way I have been towards her since the counseling session. Does this mean anything, or am I reading into it.
7. How is she supposed to figure things out about us if she spends time dating him and I am hardly in the picture at all? She says she doesn’t see him as a long term thing one second but then tells me about conversations they have had that seem to contradict that. For instance, she said they have talked about what is going to happen in 6 months when he is supposed to move back home to Pennsylvania. He says that things have changed and he would want to stay in NY with her. She told him that he can’t stay here and he should be working on lining up a job and an apartment for himself in PA.
8. Is she planning on calling it quits with him at some point or are they actually planning out their future together?
9. She constantly seems to give me little glimmers of hope that we might get back together sometime down the line. Is she doing this just to keep me on the hook until she figures out what she wants? Is she just messing with me? She gives me hope one day and then sees him the next.
10. I ask her if she has really stopped to see the big picture for us and our family. She says that he is irrelevant in the big picture because she needs to figure out if our family is going to be the four of us (me, her and the kids) or just her and the kids in the future and he has nothing to do with that. She says that I am focused on him and I shouldn’t be because the situation between us has nothing to do with him. I don’t know how she can say this when she is still dating him and doing nothing with me. I asked her to not see him or me anymore and just to take time for herself for a while to figure out what she wants (she has told me on several occasions that this is what she really wants to do) but yet she still continues to see him. What does this mean?