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Save Your Marriage Before It’s Too Late
Posted under marriage infidelity
Everyone wants to have a happy marriage. A happy marriage is one of the finest things life can offer. But after some time different kinds of problems appear in our life. It is true that many people give up on a marriage too soon, and too many marriages end up being weighted down by unresolved difficulties.
What happens if none of those things from the beginning of your relationship are happening any more such as: the little favors nowadays, cook your favorite meal, buy you something special; those little things that showed you she cares about you. Knowing that you may be losing the person you love is hard on anyone. Like most people in your situation you are probably feeling scared and confused, not knowing what to do next. If you feel that your marriage is crisis, don’t show your partner that you’re panicking; try to keep calm and in control your emotions.
Both of you need to remember that no matter how bleak things seem, it is possible for many marriages to get back on course, but both husband and wife should be willing to cooperate. The important thing is to stay calm and to know what to avoid and what to aim for to make relationship work. You can save your marriage even if your partner wants a separation, she asks for divorce, or doesn’t love you anymore. But to stop divorce you need to avoid doing what hurts your relationship, knowing that there’s always a hope to save your marriage.
Jealousy is one of the reasons why most people get divorce, but is not the only one. If she caught you with infidelity and that’s why she wants to get divorce, the hardest thing you will need to do is to rebuild trust in your relationship: always be on time home, do what you say you do and be honest. Also, never lie to your spouse again, communicate clearly all the time, take time to reassure your spouse if she feels insecure, show her affection on regular basis and also be patient with her.
As I said there are many other reasons why people get divorce. This is usually a big mistake so try first to do all the sacrifices that are necessary to save your marriage.
-first and the most important is to identify your problems; take an honest look at the relationship and determine what the problems are; truly express what is disturbing you in, as much details as possible; look for solutions rather that blaming your partner
-if you are guilty for this situation, show her your companion, respect and affection; everyday remind her how much you love her and put meaning from the heart into those words
-start doing things that were usually done when both were still in loved and married
-express your feelings, communicate your feelings honestly and openly as you can
-establish open dialog and begin to compromise and heal; discuss about your feelings and come to an agreement about what you feel the relationship needs
-also you have to learn to listen as well; the things that are brought up should be treated as guides so that the couple will learn how to respect each other’s feelings and points of view; she may talk about what she is feeling regarding the relationship
-you have to work hard to understand and change what is bothering your partner in the relationship; even if she still loves you, she may see some persistent problems in you, and that’s why she may have lost hope for the relationship because of them; you have to understand better your partner’s perception of these problems
-if you are getting stale on your sex life, talk to each other, spend more time alone just the two of you, go on a vacation
-open yourself to the fact that any issue can be understood and interpreted in a variety of ways, otherwise you will continue to stay in a rut
-think about the ways you contribute to the situation
-learn to internalize and understand that your partner is not you; both have to find ways to empathize with the other’s point of view
-appreciate the value of the other’s experience in the way that is different than yours
-don’t allow old negative behavior patterns to swamp the present moment
-learn to forgive and forget; learn to forget anything and accept one another; bringing up the past will not save the marriage; one must learn to forgive the spouse and forget all the mistakes from the past
-seek both for a solution; remember that you are two different people; is not about who is wining here, it’s about respect, intimacy, growth and emergence
-set goals to work as a couple, such as: to communicate without arguing, to attempt to do things as a couple, to find an end to your problems, and also write down your feelings and allow the other to read them
-last but not at least, be patient; your marital problems did not crop up overnight and they will not be healed overnight; discuss all the emotions that you both feel until you are centered and ready to begin anew
So, if you have some problems in your marriage, wait first to see if that marriage can be saved, don’t be hurry to get divorced. Always have to think positive, that there is a hope to save your marriage no matter how many problems appear in your life. And remember that to have lasting satisfaction you need to know how to keep love and good feelings alive.
Gina Gray
http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/save-your-marriage-before-its-too-late-404100.html
Would you leave your husband if he loses his job?
My husband can’t keep a job. He gets sacked all the time. I have known him for 3 years, first year, he only worked in one place "Subway", he is the shop manager by the way, and he got sacked after 4 months. He was jobless until the next year, he worked in an office, he got sacked after 3 weeks. He was jobless until 2 months later, he worked in "KFC" and was sacked after 6 months. He then worked in a gift shop and got sacked after 1.5 months.
Today I confronted him and said: There must be something wrong with your communication skills, or your image (He is obese by the way), or your behavior or something. How come every where you work, you get sacked?????
I am so stressed. We have a kid, and financially it’s been so much pressure during the past 3 years. I worked full time until pregnancy and now I am going back to University to finish my PhD in Genetics with full scholarship. It starts in 3 months.
Our financial problems seems eternal. He doesn’t have even high school education, and he doesn’t know any other profession than shop or restaurant management.
I must also say, our sex life is totally non-existent, has always been from day one and even in the honeymoon, apart from some occasions. He is very bad with money, we are always behind bills, have so much debt and terrible credit. Before he came to my life 3 years ago, I always paid my bills on time, had a perfect credit, and was saving and spending sensibly. But after marriage, it’s been hell, the money I have earned has never been enough and it’s just been impossible to manage the money.
Do you think I should suggest living apart for a while? To be honest I don’t love him anymore at all. Also I think if he is not in my life, I can manage finances much better. But I feel guilty to leave him, as he seems like a loser to me and if I leave, he will get really depressed. But I can’t take it anymore. All my clothes are from 3 years ago, I haven’t been able to go shopping for years, no new clothes, no new make up, I had to live with total minimum and it’s so stressful and depressing. What should I do?
What was it about him that first attracted you? Why did you get married?
…just curious.
EDIT: Thumbs down guys? Why? I’m just trying to get more information to find out if there’s anything left to save here. From what she’s written, there doesn’t seem to be anything but we don’t have the full story so I don’t feel comfortable advising divorce.
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NO.i would encourage him to get another .
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do u know why he is getting fired? no i would not leavce my husband but it would need to be worked out vey quickly
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By reading your question, it sounds like you already know your answer and what to do =) and that’s a good thing. The more difficult part is to do what it takes to move on in your life and without him. He sounds immature, lazy, and careless. Who wants to be with someone like that or live like that?? You have and will have marketable skills that he can’t compete with and he can’t take those away from you. I think you should go and take control of the situation and move on with your life. Good luck and keep me posted!
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Cut yourself loose, and good luck collecting any kind of consistant child support.
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You shoulda known this wayy before you got married. You need to try and work on ur marriage before you choose a divorce.
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I think you’ve answered your question. You seem to have a bright future on your own. The only concern I would have is the child. But then he/she may be better off with his parents apart.
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Ok Why did you marry him? you seem like you are from two totally different worlds.
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Are you his mother or his spouse?
Sounds to me like you have been mothering him for far too long. Suggest he go back to live with mom or auntie and get on with your life.
I’d suggest some counseling so you can figure out why you, an intelligent and obviously very ambitious woman decided to marry someone who I’d bet was obviously doomed to failure from the start. Were you attracted to his low self esteem? You mention you never had much of a sex life with him, do have some issues or fears about sex? Counseling would help you to sort this out, lest you make this mistake again.
You have your education coming up and you have this dragging you down. You very well could be setting yourself up to fail if you keep him along with you and you will end up being eternally angry and could possibly turn into a female version of him. Yes, you could don’t fool yourself.
Cut loose and as soon as you can. He is not your responsibility, send back home to mama so she can finish where she left off.
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Lol, wow you must be young and not have been pooped on before, you take this as a life lesson, look that punk in the eyes and remember it, now move on and have a better life.
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Marriage isn’t easy it’s really complicated. Leaving your husband because he can’t keep a job isn’t right cause no1 likes to be without a job especially when you’re a father.
Now when you say you’re not in love with anymore that’s a reason to leave him. I think you need some time alone to think it over and after a month or so if you don’t miss your husband then maybe it is time to think about endind your marriage.
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Maybe your husband had some job training in something he likes he could keep a job, Sounds like he might have some self disciple problems and self esteem issues.
Maybe if he thought you were leaving he would do better. Maybe time apart would be good for both of you and may be what it would take for him to get serious about a job and keeping it.
If you don’t love him then your fighting a loosing battle. All the money in the world will not make you happy. Maybe you need to just explain how you feel and that you need some time apart to get your finances back on board.
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Wow.
When I read the heading to your answer, I was ready to say,"What sort of woman won’t stick by her man during hardship?" Then, I read the rest of your question and I realize that there is no reason for you to stick around in the marriage. He is obviously not applying himself and will only drag you down with him. You are headed towards a successful career..you need to have a successful man by your side as well. And although money doesn’t equate success, it does pay the bills. Why have the two parent household if only one of you is contributing?
Then, to make matters 1,000 times worse, you and he don’t have an intimate relationship. There is nothing left (or was there ever) between the two of you. You have a child but that’s no reason to endure unhappiness forever and ever.
Maybe you saw potential in this man. It’s possible that he told you he would change and become a move driven individual. However, he has proven that he will never be more than what he is at this moment..a loser that cannot keep a job or keep his woman happy.
Start making moves to get your life back on track.
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Hey i know how you feel my husband has really struggled to keep a job in the 17 yrs we have been married, but leaving him would make things worse imagine his guilt if you pulled away from him, he keeps trying because of you and your child, I have been a stay at home mom since having kids and it has been worth it, i just keep supporting him all the way,one problem we have seen in all his life of struggling to make a living is that he hasn;t had a degree, we have moved over 20 times and lived in 4 different states to get or lives in order, we have finally gotten into the right situation, and have decided to go back to school and get his degree that he regrets not getting 20 yrs ago. He is going to be a Teacher. I have sacrificed alot myself don’t get new clothes very often myself my kids come first,we have left everything we own behind and started over, so i know how you feel. Just be there for him and Love him, there is more to love and marriage then alot of money. Remember the reason you wanted him in the first place. Go with your heart and ask God for guidance. Good Luck!!
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I do believe the saying is , "FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE"…….~rolls eyes~
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You have two children on your hands, its time to lose one and you know which one. he’s a loser and has been ever since you got married, maybe he got married so he would have someone to take care of him. get rid of him while your still young. I had a man like that and he ruined my credit that I worked so long to keep good. No man is worth the headache he’s giving you. Good Luck April
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I think you’ve answered your own question already. Why prolong a marriage that already sounds like it’s over?
It’s terrible he is in the situation he is in, but it does not sound like he will change anytime soon, and why would you want your daughter growing up with such a bad influence?
Don’t worry about sounding selfish or materialistic. Just do what’s best for you and your daughter.
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