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Tips to Survive Infidelity in Your Marriage
Posted under marriage infidelity
From the Oval Office to Hollywood homes. infidelities make headlines around the world. According to the Myth of Monogamy by Peggy Vaughan, 60 % of husbands and 40 % of wives will have an adulterous affair and 65% of those marriages will end in divorce. Infidelity can destroy even the strongest relationships. The betrayed partner is left with feelings of shame, guilt, and anger. These feelings can be extremely difficult to overcome, however, it is possible to emerge as a stronger couple with the support of family, friends, a therapist, and each other.
There are many reasons why someone has an affair. It can range from poor judgment and a lack of impulse control at the office with a co-worker to a more common search for an emotional connection. Whatever the reason the effect is devastation to the relationship. “Nothing rocks a person’s sense of self, trust, and marriage more than infidelity,” says Michelle Weiner-Davis, author of The Sex-Starved Marriage. “Infidelity leaves people questioning their sanity, as well as everything they believe to be true about their spouse, and about the viability of their marriage. Infidelity is crippling.”
Consider these 5 Reasons Why You Can Survive Infidelity:
1. RAW HONESTY. After all cards are on the table, the couple has an opportunity to create a new pathway to healing and growth. Honesty is about more than just not lying; it is also about not withholding relevant information.
2. EMOTIONAL NEEDS. The needs of each individual can now be truly discovered, and these needs will need to be met on a daily basis to keep the couple walking on the pathway to healing and growth.
3. ACCOUNTABLITY. Accountability is needed on a different level, which creates a sense of security and trust. This also includes letting your spouse know when you are attracted to someone else. This will keep it from being in secret, thus decreasing the opportunity to manifest into an inappropriate relationship.
4. COMMUNICATION. There is no way around it. When a couple decides to fight for their marriage, deep and intense communication emerges over time. The myth of what I dont know wont hurt me robs individuals of being able to act on facts.
5. REBUILT TRUST. According to Glen Westberry with Living in Freedom Everyday (L.I.F.E.) Ministries, rebuilding trust for the offended person is the most difficult part of the healing process because the offended person does not know what has been true and what has been a lie in their marriage. The offender thinks that forgiveness is the key and that it will make the relationship better. However, forgiveness is not for the offender, it is for the offended person. When that person forgives, it brings healing and it opens the door to rebuild trust and starts the journey to healing.
RESOURCES:
Weiner-Davis, M. (2003). The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido: A Couple’s Guide. New York: Simon and Schuster.
Westberry, Glen. Living In Freedom Everyday Ministry (L.I.F.E.) Orlando, Florida.
Vaughan, P. (2003) The Monogamy Myth: A Personal Handbook for Recovering from Affairs, Third Edition. New York: New Market Press.
About the Author: Janie Lacy, M.S. is a Mental Health Counselor who has a passion to reach out and help people grow and mature through difficult life situations. Janie has invested in the lives of others through public speaking, leadership training, educational instruction and small group ministry. Janie received her Masters of Science degree in Counseling Psychology through Palm Beach Atlantic University and her Bachelors of Science degree in Business Administration from the University of Central Florida, specializing in management. Her professional affiliations are with the American Counseling Association, the American Association of Christian Counselors, and the Florida Mental Health Counselors Association.
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the offender may …
the offender may apply Self forgiveness: I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to ….
This is effective if it is applied from the decision to no longer hold on to ideas about self and the emotional reactions to these ideas. Self judgement e.g. self punishment, guilt, shame, all sorts of thoughts and emotions and feelings. Through applying Self forgiveness, self honesty is established. And form this Self trust is developed.
I wld like to get …
I wld like to get more info about this key issue. The article is so accurate, true and strong! Tks
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